I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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