I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
