considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
