if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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