Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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