Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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