Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
