Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
