How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
