He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
