Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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