If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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