Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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