i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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