My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
