I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
