i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
