They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
