would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
