I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
