you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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