my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
