i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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