I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
