1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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