Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize