Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
