Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
