question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
