Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
