I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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