He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
