I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
