help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
