if i can run in heels then i can drive
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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