Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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