I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
