We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
