I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
