Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
