I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
