i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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