but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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