he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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