Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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