The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
