Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just googled if crying burns calories
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
