I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
