He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
