So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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