Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
