Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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