Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
