You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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