I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
