either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
