I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
