i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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