Do you still have your period?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
