I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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