Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
