just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
