dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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