Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
