I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
