Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
