is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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