Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have fence marks all over my body
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
