this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
