I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
