I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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