You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
