It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
