So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He felt like a one man threesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
