last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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