Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
