She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
accomplished twins. life is a go
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
