I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
