I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
