Porn is love you can see.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
