Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
